


Daddy

by ChaosDragon (PlotWitch)



Series: Till Death Do We Part [2]
Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Possession, Pre-Relationship, Shotgun Wedding, Temporary Amnesia, sort of relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-10-25
Updated: 2000-10-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 08:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19971133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlotWitch/pseuds/ChaosDragon
Summary: Edward moved to St. Louis for Anita's help with his new daughter. But what happens if Anita's put in a situation where she can't help herself, much less a sociopath and a six year old?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Still pre better writing skills. Sorry.

“Alright, sweetie, you treat Uncle Fang-face the way I would.”

I was dropping Becca off at the backdoor of the Circus of the Damned. Not a place I’d normally endorse for children to go, but Becca and Jean-Claude had become quite the pair. Unless Edward was in town, she spent most nights at the Circus while I worked. When I had the night off, she came home with me. If Edward was in town, she went with him or they both stayed at my house.

Weird, but true.

She was wearing a pink sundress and her hair was in pigtail braids, courtesy of Cherry. Not only did I have a six-year-old living with me part time, but the pard was staying at my house. I had no free rooms. Cherry, Zane, and Nathaniel had one, Becca had one that she shared with Edward, and I had mine. There was always the basement if I needed one since I’d made it into a comfy place.

“Okay, Mommy,” she said in the voice of an angel.

I tried not to cringe as she said that. I wasn’t her mommy but since Donna, her real mother, had been gunned down in front of her three months before, she’d taken refuge by calling me that. Her therapist said it was normal and would go away. Then he said it might also stay.

She hugged me and I hugged her back. I don’t usually go for the touchy-feely stuff but with Becca it came naturally. And saying, “I love you,” when she whispered it to me was just as natural. I did love the kid, it would be impossible not to. Everyone did, even Edward.

Jason picked her up and carried her in and I went home. I walked in and dropped my stuff on the table just inside the door with every intention of catching a quick nap before my first zombie raising of the night. But it wasn’t going to happen. Edward was sitting in my living room with a beer in one hand and several empty bottles on the living room table.

Edward did not drink. Something was wrong. The first thing that sprang to mind was that Van Cleef had found us and there was hell to pay, but Edward shook his head the second the question passed my lips.

“Then what the hell is wrong?” I asked.

He looked at me and for once his eyes weren’t cold and distant. “Becca,” he said.

Shit. Something had happened to her after I left her at the Circus. But that was impossible. The Circus of the Damned was the resting place of the Master of the City, Jean-Claude, and the safest most secure place in St. Louis… wasn’t it?

It was. Edward shook his head at that question. Okay, fine, Edward could keep his little secret. But not in my house. “Alright, Edward. Get your drunk ass out of my house until you feel like telling me what’s going on.” I pointed to the door.

He looked at me, confused, and I felt the urge to remind him of what happened when people kept secrets.

“Do you remember what happened in Santa Fe, Edward? I died several times. And Olaf’s still out there. All because you kept your damned secrets.” I was well and truly pissed as I thought about it. Then I paled. “Olaf’s not in St. Louis, is he?”

Edward shook his head and took a sip of his beer.

“And where the hell did that come from? I don’t keep alcohol here.”

“I bought it.”

“Why?”

“Becca’s my daughter,” he said slowly. Not because he was drunk but because he couldn’t believe it.

“She’s not your daughter, Edward,” I said. My voice was neutral, but I was confused.

Edward looked up at me and his eyes were wide with wonder. “Yes, she is.”

What the hell was he talking about? Drugs. That’s it, yes, Edward was on something. “I thought you said you’d met Donna two years ago.” He had, which meant Edward couldn’t be Becca’s father.

“Not like that, Anita,” and his voice was soft. “I came here from the courthouse. The judge said yes.”

“Yes to what?” I knew my voice was showing all of the confusion I was feeling.

“To the adoption. I adopted Becca.”

Holy shit.

“I’m scared, Anita. I don’t know if I can be a good father to her.”

Pull out your ice skates, boys and girls. Hell has frozen over. Far from baiting me, Edward was actually confiding in me. I suddenly felt the need for a beer. That didn’t mean I was going to have one. The last beer was in Edward’s hand. Shit. I sat down next to Edward and grabbed the bottle from his hand and took a long drink. My face scrunched up at the taste of it. I never was much of a drinker.

Shit. What have you done, Edward? What have you done?


	2. Chapter 2

I had no doubts of Edward being where I’d left him when I drove to my first of nine appointments. He was well and truly drunk in my bed. I was afraid to leave him in Becca’s room because I knew the pard liked to play with her dolls and I didn’t want him shooting them for it. It was therapeutic I guess, to make something do exactly what they wanted, and mostly for Nathaniel’s sake.

Don’t ask me, I have no clue.

I made it through all nine raisings, eight chickens, one goat, before I headed home. Bert was going to love the fact that nine raisings hadn’t come close to wiping me out. But I wasn’t going to tell him that. When I got home, I wished I hadn’t. A very familiar scene greeted me. A plain white envelope with my name printed on the outside was stuck to the side of my mailbox with a knife.

I sighed and rolled my eyes as I pulled the knife out and caught the letter in my hand. I had to open my mouth, didn’t I? Maybe if I hadn’t said anything Olaf would have stayed away. Here we go again.

I unlocked my front door and was greeted by the sight of three wereleopards on my couch. Rephrase: two weres and one leopard. I was guessing the leopard to be Nathaniel since Zane and Cherry were sitting on the couch in human form. Could this night get any worse?

I just looked at Cherry and Zane and they began explaining how Nathaniel shifted in Becca’s room, on her bed, because he was scared of something. This was almost a lost cause. He’d shifted on Becca’s bed? The night just got worse. That meant I was sleeping on the couch. Or not, I decided as I saw the leopard curled up on it. Sleeping.

I just went to my room and into the bathroom. This was not a good day for me. I sat down on the floor with my back against the door and opened the letter. It was printed in block letters, like before.

ANITA

I’VE COME TO YOUR CITY FOR YOU. WE WILL HUNT TOGETHER.

It wasn’t signed. How sweet. I don’t think so. I crumpled it up and threw it against the wall. I was so not in the mood for this. I went back to my room and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a long shirt, careful not to wake the sleeping Edward.

There were two wereleopards in one of my rooms, a sleeping leopard on my couch, and Death curled up in my bed. I suppressed the urge to laugh, afraid that once I started, I might not stop. I went back into the bathroom and changed and looked at myself in the mirror. All I saw was a small, confused woman. Well, at least I hadn’t been beaten up or killed lately.

I went back into my room and lay down on my bed. Edward was taking up too much, so I kicked him in the side. “Move over,” I grumbled before I turned over and fell asleep.

I woke up to warm skin at my back and warm fur at my feet. A metaphorical leopard was cuddling me and the real, however unnatural, leopard was sprawled across the foot of my bed. Shit. Could my life get any stranger?

I really need to stop asking myself things like that because it could and did.

No sooner had I thought it than Nathaniel began creeping up towards my face. I tensed as his face reached mine, or maybe that was muzzle. Then he rolled over and showed me his stomach. A show of submission with wolves, I knew, so maybe it was the same with leopards.

I stayed still and nearly screamed when a rough tongue stroked my face. He could smell my fear and thought this was a good way to reassure me of his good intentions. He was wrong. I must have made some noise because there was movement behind me, and I knew Edward was awake.

Edward must have had a gun on him, or he’d gotten up in the middle of the night because he sure as hell had one now. And it was pointed straight at the leopard. This was so not happening. I sat up and placed myself between the gun and its target. I couldn’t let Nathaniel get killed for playing house kitty.

Edward slowly backed out of the bed trying to get a decent shot at Nathaniel and I shook my head. “It’s Nathaniel, Edward.” He was mine to protect and I wasn’t about to forfeit it now even though I was a little nervous myself.

He looked at me blankly and I smiled. “He’s mine to protect, Edward. I am his Nimir-ra.”

He’d never heard about this part of my life, so I guess I don’t blame him for still trying to get a killing shot. Nathaniel was still lying on his stomach, but his head was behind my body. He gently butted me with it, and I laughed. I actually laughed. I guess waking up with Death made me a little giggly.

I reached behind me and stroked the leopard’s belly. He purred. Since this was the closest thing I’d ever do to being his top. I guess he was happy because a silly cat grin spread across his face. The fur on his belly was thick and white and felt like silk under my fingers. The rest of his coat was a deep golden tan with a splattering of cloudy spots. He was a beautiful leopard.

Edward shook his head and let his arm relax until the gun pointed at the floor. Then he went into the bathroom. I saw a strange smile on his face before he closed the door. I guess everyone was in a weird mood today. I pointed to the door of the bedroom and said, “Out.”

Nathaniel looked at me for a moment before rolling over and hopping off the bed with predatory grace. He glanced back over his shoulder before he stalked out of the room. I shook my head and closed the door. I had about five seconds to change before something else happened to throw my day into a mess.

I was in the middle of pulling on a tee shirt when Edward walked out of the bathroom. The smile was gone, and his face was perfectly, unreadably blank. In his hand was a piece of crumpled white paper. Olaf’s note. I’d forgotten about that. I stopped smiling and pulled my shirt on. Then I pulled my shoulder holster on and checked the Browning before holstering it. Full clip and one in the chamber.

I turned around and started strapping on my knives. Edward watched me and I watched him through my mirror. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was unhappy with me, maybe even worried. Edward worrying about me? Naw. Knives in place I walked out.

There was fresh coffee waiting for me in the kitchen, a bonus of having semi-permanent houseguests. Edward followed me. I sat down with a mug that read _You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing._ Not something Bert would allow in the office, so I had to content myself with using it at home. Edward grabbed his own mug, one Becca had made him for Father’s Day that had little stick figures on it; one for me, Edward, Uncle Fang-face, and one for Richard. How sweet.

He looked at me as he sat down and I stared back. We were still staring when Cherry came in and announced, “Nathaniel shifted back.” I honestly didn’t care as long as he didn’t sleep in my bed anymore.

I took a sip of my coffee and savored the flavor of it. Edward spread the note out on the table.

“How long?” He was worried. Not a good thing, but at least he wasn’t pissed at me.

“Got it last night.”

He had the grace to look away. I guess being drunk was not something he liked. But I didn’t blame him; I would’ve done the same thing. I wouldn’t have adopted Becca either, so it didn’t matter.

He glanced back at me and I think would have said something when the phone rang. Saved by the bell. Cherry answered it and then handed it to me. “It’s Jason, he says it’s an emergency.”

Honestly, I couldn’t leave them alone for a night.

“What is it, Jason?”

“It’s Becca,” he said, and he sounded frantic. I heard voices in the background, familiar voices. They were hospital voices saying medical things. I put my coffee on the table, spilling some of it.

“What happened to Becca?”

Edward sat up and spilled his own coffee on the table and himself. He didn’t flinch when the burning liquid touched him.

“It wasn’t my fault, they said it was her appendix. They’re prepping her for surgery right now.”

“It’s okay, Jason, I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

I hung up and grabbed my fanny pack and keys. Edward followed me.

“What’s wrong with Becca?”

His voice was soft but urgent. He did love the little girl.

“She’s in the hospital, Edward. We have to go.”


	3. Chapter 3

I spent the next four hours trying to convince Jason that Death wasn’t going to kill him for letting Becca get appendicitis. Edward spent the next four hours stalking back and forth in the OR waiting room. I think he was scaring the rest of the families who were waiting because they left shortly after we arrived. Or maybe it was just the fact that Edward and I were both wearing our guns in the open, no jacket.

When the doctor came out, still in scrubs, Edward was at his side in a heartbeat. Maybe faster. I got there on the tail of the conversation and heard the doctor say she was in a private room and was coming out of anesthesia. And she was asking for her mommy and daddy. Edward smiled a little as the doctor complimented him on his beautiful daughter. He said the same to me and I resisted the urge to give him my blank face. He didn’t deserve it; it wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t see there was no family resemblance between any of us.

I thanked him and followed Edward down the hall to the elevators. He was giddy. Edward, Death, was giddy over a six-year-old girl. Miracles never cease.

I checked Becca out from the door and stopped Edward before he went in. there was no way I was going in there and not because Becca called me ‘Mommy.’ It had more of something to do with the fact that I didn’t want to give Olaf something to use against me. I really didn’t want him to hurt Becca because I wasn’t going to hunt with him, a fact I’m sure he’d figured out by now.

Edward nodded. He understood. And from the look in his eyes I’d say he agreed with me wholeheartedly. I left him with his daughter, something that felt decidedly strange on my lips, and went home. Not much to do there. Or there wouldn’t have been if it hadn’t been for the fact that I walked into something straight out of a nightmare.

The pard, or what was left of it, was bound, gagged, and bleeding in my living room. Nathaniel was nowhere to be seen. Shit. I called Richard and when he came, he took Cherry and Zane to Dr. Lillian, a wererat who’d taken care of me a few times, and other than her lycanthropy, was a nice lady.

Then I called my cleaning service. They were used to this stuff by now, especially after cleaning up my apartment a few years ago when two zombies with my death on their minds broke in. I left an emergency message on their answering service and gathered my weapons. One more call, this time to Bert to let him know I wasn’t coming in tonight, and I’d be ready to leave.

“What do you mean you’re not coming in tonight? You have eight raisings and two consultations,” he practically yelled in my ear.

“Well Bert, I figured you’d rather have me alive to do them tomorrow or the day after.”

Bert was silent. Then, “You aren’t worth all this, Anita.”

So he was going to threaten me with losing my job. I’ll admit, I hadn’t been the most reliable source of raisings in the past, but this was nuts. I really didn’t need it. I wanted to live more than this, and besides, if I left, I’d take a big hunk of the clients with me. “Fine, Bert. I quit.”

I hung up on him and left. I went to the relative safety of the Circus. It was the middle of the day so most of the vampires were asleep. Jean-Claude, however, was awake and knew I was coming. The wonders of the marks. He was waiting for me just inside the inner door when I arrived, and I walked past him to his bedroom. I laughed as I saw the hordes of dolls on his bed. This was not like Jean-Claude at all, but who was I to complain? I now owned every Disney movie and most of the Barbie collection.

I knew he wanted to ask me what was going on, but he contented himself with knowing that Becca was safe and on the mend. Or not. Master vampires can be nosy.

“What is wrong, ma petite? You do not usually come inside the Circus anymore.”

He was right, I didn’t. I was usually too busy, and I just didn’t want to see the flavor of the day, my name for whatever human, were, or vampire he was bedding. Sometimes I think it doesn’t really bother him that I broke it off. We were calling it a break from each other, but we both knew, Richard included, that what we’d had was over.

I shrugged and said, “Another monster wants me.”

His eyes were the deep blue of a good sapphire when he looked at me. “There are no new monsters in the city.”

Of course he’d know about the preternatural ones. He was the Master of the City, after all.

“It’s just a different kind of monster, Jean-Claude. One that isn’t up your alley.” And Olaf wasn’t up mine, either. This was one type of monster I was completely alone in the dark with. I didn’t say another word as I sat my bags down and went into his bathroom to wash up.

There were bonuses to being his human servant. Things like not having to give him an answer because if he pissed me off, I’d make him suffer by being difficult. Because I’m a necromancer I have something like equal footing with Jean-Claude when if I were human, he’d be able to order me around and I’d have no say. I was lucky. My own power gave me free will.

When I came out, I was alone. I changed quickly and walked back out into the hall. My breath caught in my throat and I stumbled against the wall. There was so much power vibrating in the air it was hard to breathe. Something was wrong. I followed the power to what served as Jean-Claude’s living room, lobby, whatever he was using it for any given night, and found it full of lycanthropes.

Jean-Claude was standing in their midst and somehow over Jason who was on his knees. Jason was curled into a little ball, bleeding. But he was conscious. There was yelling and I heard Jean-Claude’s voice over all of it. He was telling them to go home, he’d deal with Jason himself, personally. I didn’t like the sound of that.

“What’s going on here, Jason?” I asked, directing my question to Jason so that I’d get a real answer. Jason knew better than to lie to me and I didn’t trust Jean-Claude not to.

“The pack wishes to punish Jason, ma petite.”

I glared at him. “I asked Jason, not you.”

I walked over to Jason and knelt next to him. There was a deep cut on his forehead and what looked to be claw marks down his chest. He was shirtless, but that was normal. Jason looked up at me and his blue eyes were filled with fear. I brushed some of the blood off of his forehead and helped him stand.

“They want to punish me,” he said so softly that I could barely hear him.

“For what, Jason?”

He lowered his eyes. “For letting Becca get sick. They think Death is going to hurt us for allowing it.”

I almost laughed. Almost. I would have if it hadn’t been for the hoard of werewolves standing around us. I glanced out at them and recognized a few, but they were mainly strangers. “Edward isn’t going to hurt you, Jason. He’s not going to hurt any of you,” I raised my voice. “She got sick, she’s getting better, everything’s fine.”

I felt a shift in the power. They were still planning on coming after Jason and he knew it. He moved behind me, close but not touching. I knew what this meant. He wanted protection. And I’d give it to him. I wrapped an arm around his waist, and he leaned into me relieved.

“Jason is my wolf. I am lupa. He has my protection.” None of the wolves moved down but I felt one of them moving up behind me. I turned and the Browning was out before I realized it. It was Jamil and he fell in next to Jason. He wasn’t planning on hurting us.

“The lupa has given her word, I will fight to protect Anita Blake and Jason,” he said, his voice deep and full with his power.

I lowered the Browning, afraid to put it up. Vampires are strong but their speed is mainly mind tricks. Lycanthropes are strong and fast. No tricks, no spells. They’re just better. If I put the Browning away, I didn’t think I’d get to it in time.

The power in the room eased down and I felt rather than saw the pack start to leave. Good. I relaxed and turned to Jason. He was going to have to see Doctor Lillian. I was reaching up to wipe away the blood that was dripping down into Jason’s eyes when I heard the yell.

“Anita!” It was Jean-Claude.

I turned around just in time to see Jamil jump between a wolf the size of a pony and me. Someone had shifted and tried to attack me. I raised the Browning, but another wolf jumped at me and knocked me down. Jason was on the wolf and they were rolling off me before I had time to register it.

I looked down. I wasn’t bleeding. I stood up and was hit from behind. I was on my knees and rolling. A foot stomped the ground where my head had been. I kept rolling and got to my feet. It was a woman I didn’t recognize, and she was pissed.

She lunged at me and I sidestepped but it was too late. Her momentum took us both back into a wall and the last thing I remembered was a hard voice saying, “No human is my lupa.”

When I came to, I was lying in a hospital bed. How did I know it was a hospital? I tried to sit up and gasped as pain shot up my back and through my head.

“Anita?” a soft voice asked.

I turned my head slightly to see the owner of the voice. A man was sitting next to the bed. He had blond hair and blue eyes that were cold and empty. I tried to ask him who he was and why I was in the hospital and he quieted me.

“I’ll go get the doctor. You’ve been out of it for a few days now, Anita,” he said. Then he left.

Anita? He’d called me that twice, so I guessed it was my name. Anita. It was pretty, I guess. Then it hit me. I _guessed_ that it was my name.


	4. Chapter 4

I was still wondering about my name when a doctor and the man with the ice blue eyes walked back in. The doctor smiled at me. I didn’t smile back. The other man’s eyes flickered. I guess I was a smiley person. Except I didn’t feel like smiling.

“What am I doing here?” I asked. My voice was neutral. I felt like I’d been beaten up. Which meant someone had done the beating part. Until I knew what had happened, I wasn’t giving anything away. As I thought about getting beat up, I wondered how I’d know what it felt like. Maybe I was a criminal. I doubted it since I wasn’t wearing cuffs. Or maybe I was just a very good criminal.

The doctor smiled at me again. “You were brought in two days ago after an execution was botched, Ms. Blake.”

Execution? What the hell was he talking about? My confusion must have been visible because the other man took a step forward. “We were hunting a vampire, remember Anita?”

There was that Anita name again. It must be mine. And what had the doctor called me? Ms. Blake. Anita Blake. It didn’t sound familiar, but right now, everything was sounding pretty strange. I was in trouble.

“No. No, I don’t remember,” I admitted. I sat up, ignoring the pain that made me grind my teeth. “I don’t remember much of anything.”

“Anything?” the doctor, this time.

“Anything,” I said firmly.

Worry flashed across the doctor’s face and he walked to the door. “Mr. Forrester, may I have a word with you?”

They talked while I fumbled for the motor control of my bed. I clicked the button and the head of the bed started to tilt up. When it was at a comfortable level I leaned back into the pillow. The pillow had a very uncomfortable lump in it. I reached back under it and my eyes went wide as a gun slid into my hand. I was still eyeing the gun when I heard footsteps headed my way from the door.

I slid the gun under the sheet and wrapped my fingers around the barrel. It felt familiar. If I knew nothing else, I knew the gun. It was a Firestar 9mm. The blond man sat down with an easy grace and the doctor looked at me.

“What?” I said.

“Um, if you’ll wait here, Ms. Blake, I’ll go consult with my colleagues.” He left.

I looked over at the man who’d told me my name, however accidentally. He was smiling a smile that a Boy Scout would envy, it was so innocent. It was also fake, that much I knew. Not to say it didn’t look real, but his eyes were lying. The smile came nowhere near his eyes, but that changed and before I could blink, he was happy go lucky.

“You can drop the smile,” I said softly as I pointed the gun at him underneath the sheet. Anyone who could act like that was either a friend or someone who was very, very bad. Since I didn’t know him, or myself, he fell into the very, very bad category.

“What do you mean?” he asked, the smile glued in place. Something shifted behind his eyes. No, definitely very, very bad.

“It’s a good act, really, but you don’t need to waste it on little me.” I’d seen those eyes and their emptiness when I first came to. But he really was a good actor. “Who are you?”

The friendliness bled out of his face and I tightened my finger on the trigger, not squeezing yet, but I wasn't sure whom I could trust right now. “My name’s Ted Forrester. We’ve worked together a few times.”

“And I’m the pope. Who the fuck are you?” My voice was cold and hard and as empty as his eyes.

He shifted, and somehow I knew he was going for a weapon. “Don’t think so. Hands away from your body or I put a hole in you.” I shifted and the sheet slid away to reveal the gun pointed steadily at him.

He did as I said.

“I see you’ve still got your instincts, Anita.” He wasn’t going to tell me who he was. Fine, I could live with that. But he sounded like he knew me.

“Who am I?”

“You’re Anita Blake. Also known as the Executioner, the terror of all good little vampires and lycanthropes everywhere. Licensed vampire executioner for the tri-state area, twenty-six years old.”

He knew me. I believed him. So I was a killer. No, I was an executioner. It sounded strange but it clicked. Didn’t make me remember anything, but it clicked. This was so not fun.

“And who are you?”

He didn’t say anything. I would have pressed if it hadn’t been for the door opening. I slid the sheet back over the gun and the doctor walked in.

“Well, Ms. Blake. Physically you’re fine.” He didn’t sound too sure, but I wasn’t going to argue. I wanted out of here.

“Okay, then I’m checking myself out.” I didn’t like the hospital. I felt like I’d spent too much time in it already. There was something I had to do, but I didn’t know what. Maybe if I went home, wherever that was I’d remember it, something, anything.

I expected protest but I didn’t get any. I must have pulled the checking out early thing a lot. The good doctor’s reaction only reinforced my belief on hospital stays.

He left to get the paperwork and I slid the gun out from under the sheet. I laid it down and shifted so my legs dangled off the bed. Time to get dressed. I was tempted to kick ‘Ted’ out, but I really didn’t care. If he wanted to watch, fine. I found clothes in the closet and dressed quickly and efficiently, tucking the Firestar into the front of my jeans.

“Do I have any other weapons?”

“Not here.”

Damn. I felt like I needed more.

“I’m surprised you remembered how to use the Firestar.” His voice was still neutral.

I pulled the gun back out in a fluid motion and had it pointed at him, safety off, before he could move.

“You’re faster, too.”

I shrugged and placed the Firestar back into the front of my jeans, flicking the safety button. “It’s good to know that.”

He stood fluidly and followed me as I walked out of the room. I didn’t know if I trusted him as a person, but I trusted him at my back. I thought about it for a second and realized that he wouldn’t shoot me from behind. I knew, somehow, that he had weapons, several of them at least on him, but I didn’t question it.

I signed my release papers and ‘Ted’ led me to his car. Or truck. I searched what little memory I had and the name sprung out. “Nice Hummer. Do you ever wash it?”

He laughed. I got the feeling he didn’t do that much. “You said the same thing the first time you saw it.”

“I know,” and the funny thing was, I did know.

He stopped and looked at me. “You remember?”

“Yeah.” I tried to pull more out but it felt like I was running into a brick wall. “I remembered that, for just a second. But I don’t remember anything else.”

He nodded and we got in the Hummer. This was going to be an interesting few days.


	5. Chapter 5

Ted drove us to a warehouse. It was gaudy looking with signs hanging on it showing the strangest things: a wolf-man, zombies crawling out of graves, a snake woman. “A lamia,” I said softly. I remembered something else. Good. I looked up and there were clowns on the top. The clowns had fangs. Very creepy.

I shuddered as I looked up again when he led me to what looked like the back entrance. He knocked twice and it opened. We entered. Almost immediately I was attacked, no, hugged by another blond man who was a few inches taller than me. I pulled my gun and shoved it into his stomach, my finger already tight on the trigger.

“Let go of me slowly, hands on your head, face away.” My voice was once again hard and cold, much like the eyes of Ted when I looked at them.

Obviously, no one thought I was dangerous because the man didn’t let go. Even worse, where his skin touched me it felt like I was being eaten alive by thousands of ants. I didn’t like it. I squeezed the trigger putting a bullet in his abdomen. He fell back clutching his stomach and looking at me like I was a bogeyman.

“Anita, you didn’t have to do that,” he gasped.

I looked over at Ted as I smiled and said, “I’m sorry.” I wasn’t but it sounded nice. I felt like I should be nice to him. After all, I was the one who’d shot him. Then I stopped smiling. Ted was looking at me with an odd smile. “What?”

He shrugged and walked on down some stairs. I followed leaving the wounded man. Live or die, it didn’t really matter. I didn’t think he’d be coming near me anytime soon. I kept my gun out and followed Ted down the stairs and into a room full of a dozen or so people and one little girl. When she looked up at me, she smiled and hurled herself at me crying, “Mommy.”

It was all I could do not to raise the Firestar. She hugged me and I let her, but I didn’t hug back. I was staring at three of the most attractive men I’d ever met in my life, what I could remember of it, and cringing at two of them.

The first was tall, at least six feet, and had coffee brown eyes and long silky looking hair. He looked almost too perfect. The second was shorter than him by a few inches. He was incredibly pale and had deep blue eyes, midnight and beautiful. His hair was long and black and curled slightly and made him seem almost feminine, but there was something about him that would never let you make that mistake.

They both made me itch from the inside out as I looked at them.

The third man was tall and very Spanish looking. His hair was short and neatly cut and black. True black, the kind that has blue and purple highlights in it. His eyes were a deep brown bordering on black, and his profile was strong and proud. Only his lips saved him from looking hard. They were full and soft looking; sensuous even. And he didn’t make my skin crawl.

But my attention was quickly moved from them to the rest of the people, no, creatures in the room. They weren’t people, I could tell that. The air around them seemed to shiver and shimmer and I could feel something flowing out from them. It made my skin crawl even worse than the man I’d shot had. I shuddered.

“What is wrong, _ma petite_?” The man with the long, black hair was standing and walking towards me.

I pulled my Firestar and for a moment wished it was one of the mini-Uzi’s I had at home. How did I know I had two of them? I don’t know, but knowing I had them and they weren’t here made me very unhappy. “One more step, Fang-face, and you won’t live to see another night.”

He stilled in his tracks. I don’t mean stopped, I mean he went utterly still. Something the long undead can do, I thought and as I thought it, I smiled to myself. Well what do you know? I was remembering things left and right. Not very useful to finding myself, but it was a start.

The Ted person looked at the vampire and then back at one of the men he had stepped away from. “I thought I told you to tell Jean-Claude what happened, Richard.” His voice was neutral, but I could hear a tone of humor in it. Something only he’d laugh at, I’m sure.

Richard stepped forward. It was the man of the frothy brown hair and coffee colored eyes. “I was just trying to explain it to him when you and Anita,” he paused and looked at me with visible heat in his eyes, “arrived.”

I don’t know why but I got the feeling that I’d known both of them, Richard and Jean-Claude, very well. Lots of thing I don’t know, but I was going to find out. The novelty of having no memory, if there is such a thing, was quickly wearing off and all I knew right then was how tired I was of trying to and not remembering. I just want it back.

Jean-Claude, the vampire, took another step towards me. “Then it is true? You do not remember yourself, or Monsieur Zeeman, or even I?”

I didn’t answer. He looked at me like I was being difficult but what I was really doing was trying to decide whether or not to put a bullet through that pretty face of his. In the end I decided not. He knew me, or who I’d been, so I didn’t want to kill him. Instead I put a shot through his right shoulder.

He fell back and caught himself before he hit the floor. Then he looked at me with pain in his eyes and I screamed. I went to my knees clutching my shoulder. It burned like fire, like I was the one that had been shot there. I lifted my hand with the gun and pointed it at him.

“Stop it or you die.”

Nothing stopped the pain that rose in me.

He smiled, no hint of fang, and said, “If you kill me, you too will die, _ma verite_.”

_Ma verite_. French for ‘my truth.’ I don’t know how I knew that, but I didn’t care. He’d called me his truth. Nope, definitely didn’t like this. I decided that from now on I’d kill the things I didn’t like. I pulled the trigger and just before the bullet left the barrel of the gun something hit me from the side and knocked me over. The shot went wild and I was on my side with a heavy weight pinning me down.

It was Edward. “Get off me, Edward!” I yelled in frustration.

“Edward?” he asked, still on top of me.

Then it hit me. I’d remembered something else. So maybe the day wasn’t going downhill like I was beginning to think. I looked up and his eyes shifted back to their apparently usual empty state. But not before I’d seen something else. Something I didn’t want to deal with right now.

“Yes, Edward. Now get the fuck off me.”

“Are you going to kill the vampire?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t. Please.”

He said please like he didn’t say it often. Memory or not, I knew that much was true. His eyes didn’t lie to me even though they were completely void of emotion. It was a mask he put on, that blank face, whenever something hurt him or he felt anything. It rarely came down. I knew that with a calm certainty.

“Why not?” I’ll admit, I was feeling difficult, so I let it show in my voice like a petulant child.

“Because it’s true,” he said, and his eyes melted just a little. “If you kill him, you’ll die.” He leaned back and was on his feet.

“Okay, let me get this straight. I kill Fang-face over there, and I die? How does this work?” I asked from where I still lay on the floor.

“Long story, Anita,” Edward said.

“I have all the time in the world, Edward.”


	6. Chapter 6

I’d swear that the next few days of my life were the longest of it, but if I did, I could be lying. I was no closer to remembering myself than I’d been the day Edward took me to the Circus, but I was remembering bits and pieces. Now I just needed something to make me remember the whole enchilada.

Rafael, he of the true black hair and sensuous lips, explained the thing about me dying if I killed Fang-face. I was part of a triumvirate. Oh joy. I was bound for the rest of my life to Jean-Claude, the walking corpse, and Richard, the terminally furry teacher. He also explained to me why my skin crawled every time I was around certain people. Mainly the ones who gave off that weird air shimmering quality. They were lycanthropes.

Rafael also told me he was one, which made me back away from the idea of flirting with him. I wasn’t coffin bait and I definitely didn’t sleep with the terminally furry.

He also told me I was a necromancer, which led me to doing a little research on the subject. So I bought a computer and installed it in an empty bedroom of my oh so white house. Which wasn’t a bad thing, it was just white. I especially liked the feathered skin I’d hung over the couch. Edward had told me it was swan, but wouldn’t tell me where I got it.

With the help of the computer I learned what a necromancer was, and I also found several stories from newspapers with me in them. Most of them were from St. Louis but there was one from Santa Fe that had me, Edward, and a man named Bernardo Spotted-Horse. The name sounded familiar and it made me think of knives and oddly enough, a cast.

It also made me think of someone… But they were a shadow in my mind. They were also the reason why I felt so uneasy whenever Edward left me alone. He was my security blanket, I guess. Funny, he was still on the top of my very, very bad person list, but I trusted him more than anyone else. It was an instinct.

But as the days wore on, I began to wonder if I was going to remember who I was. And I honestly didn’t know if I cared. What I was now was something better than I’d been before, in my opinion. Everything I’d heard, been told, anything about me, made me think I was weak. Maybe what had happened was a good thing, though no one knew whom it had been to throw me into that wall.

Maybe it was better that way. So when I came home early one morning from the Circus, where I’d sat through another lecture on why I wasn't supposed to threaten vampires and weres, though I knew something they didn’t know—I wasn’t threatening, I was planning on killing—I was surprised to find a white envelope stuck to my door with a very expensive looking and well-made knife.

I walked in and the expected sight of Edward drinking coffee at my kitchen table greeted me. I tossed the envelope on the table and poured myself a mug and when I turned, I saw that Edward had gone very still at the sight of the envelope.

“What’s wrong?” My voice was neutral, a trick I’d become very good at. I’d wager to say I was a better liar than Edward was now.

He shook his head and gestured to the envelope. I put my coffee down and picked it up. Inside there was a note printed in block letters.

ANITA

YOU WILL NOT HUNT WITH ME, YOUR ANSWER IS CLEAR. IF YOU WILL NOT HUNT WITH ME, YOU WILL HUNT ME. BUT I WILL HUNT YOU FIRST. I AM WATCHING YOU.

It wasn’t signed. How annoying. How frightening, too. Someone was going to hunt me? I don’t think so. Whoever they were, they were right. I’d hunt them. From what the note said I figured they were already hunting me, but I’d been pretty good at turning the tables, surprising people as of late. Besides, I didn’t want to die.

I looked at Edward. He looked back and his face was blank. It was his game face, the one he wore to hide his feelings away. This was looking to be a bad thing.

“Olaf’s come for you, Anita.”

I almost asked who Olaf was, but something snapped inside me and the shadow fell away from that memory. Olaf was crazy, he was a serial killer, rapist, or at least I suspected him to be. Not to mention the fact I was fit his victim profile to a _T_. I remembered him, his name, his face, and little details that I’d noticed but had never picked up on. I’d hunt him tonight. Oh yeah, I’d kill him.

I just looked at Edward and walked to my bedroom. I had just finished changing into black jeans and a black turtleneck when he walked in without knocking. I would have complained but I didn’t really care. I’d rather he barged in for something else but who was I to throw stones? I wasn’t exactly asking him for favors. But he was cute. Definitely cute.

“What are you doing?” he asked in a tone that was no longer neutral but was worried and afraid.

Edward was worried about me. It would have been touching if I hadn’t known he was worried about the Anita I’d once been. Not the Anita I was now.

I didn’t answer. Instead I began strapping knives to my forearms. Those done I slid the arm length blade I’d come to love in a very short amount of time down the sheath along my spine. Next went the Browning. I left the Firestar.

I’d decided that the Browning was a better gun to carry if I was only taking one. It had more stopping power. Last, but not least, was the small dagger I slid home inside a sheath on my lower leg. It rode lower than mid-calf, much lower to the point where it was half in my shoe.

I turned to Edward and smiled. It wasn't a happy grin. He looked at me like he was going to stop me but didn’t. Edward followed me when I walked out and into the kitchen where I finished my coffee. I would have left right then if it hadn’t been for the small, disheveled girl who walked into the kitchen right then. Becca rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and smiled when she saw me.

“Mommy,” she said and wrapped her small arms around me. I tried not to grimace. I’d been spending a lot of time avoiding her. I had a memory of one of my morals and it didn’t bother me much. It was pretty simple, actually. Let the kid keep her innocence for as long as she could, she didn’t need to know that the bogeyman was probably real. Besides, if he tried to hurt her, I’d kill him.

Maybe torture him first, but definitely kill him.

I knelt down and hugged her, ever mindful that my knives didn’t frighten her. Did I mention I’d blacked them out the first day I’d been home from the hospital? My belt buckle too. No chance of being seen by whatever preternatural ugly I was hunting. She didn’t notice the knives and I smiled. Despite my general bitchiness to everyone I genuinely liked the kid.

She let me go and went to Edward murmuring, “Daddy,” and I smiled at him, another cold and calculating thing. He nodded.

“Good luck,” he said as I walked out of the house.

I nearly laughed. I didn’t need luck. Tonight, all I needed was the kill.


	7. Chapter 7

I didn’t find Olaf that night and as I felt dawn press in I felt a profound sense of loss. I’d really wanted to kill him tonight. Hell, right now I really wanted to kill anything, so when I came across a few vampires who were having their jollies with an unconscious woman I pulled one of the knives from their wrist sheaths.

There was no one around to see me do anything wrong, so I had no problem with killing them. Besides, it would take too long to find out who they were and get a death warrant on them. They were sleaze, who cared if I got rid of them? I didn’t.

The first two came at me at the same time. I slid the knife home into one of them and he was gone, just like that. A baby vampire, still new, I could feel how young he was. The second was a little older and I had more fun taking him out. The last came at me and I stepped back

He was old, at least a hundred, and I was going to have to be careful. He tried spelling me, rolling me with his eyes and mind, and I laughed.

“You don’t have the juice, fang boy.” I think I made him mad because he lunged at me. I sidestepped and rolled to avoid him as I pulled the knife from my spine sheath. I was on my feet to meet him and he barely registered when I drove the blade into his stomach and up. Up though his heart and farther until the point was jutting out of his throat.

I laughed and it was a bubbly sound. Not mine. There was something in me, someone, and she was enjoying the killing. A name flashed through my mind like fire, Raina. I immediately shoved my power against her and drove her down, but she didn’t leave. She didn’t want to. And as I thought about it, I realized she’d been there ever since I’d woken up.

Ruthlessly I drove the thought away and went back to the business of killing the vampires. I cut their hearts out and then took their heads. I was sitting there looking at their bodies when I heard a gasp behind me, and it quickly became a scream.

The woman was awake.

I turned and crouched like an animal, ready to spring if she moved, and there were tears on her pretty face. Her hair and clothes were covered in blood, her blood, and she was taking a breath to scream. I couldn’t let her do that. I leaped to her from my knees and my hand covered her mouth.

“If you scream, I’ll have to stop you,” I said softly, coldly. The knife from my ankle was in my hand at her throat ready to hurt her, kill her. And I wanted to. She could turn me in, could get me killed. The only logical thing to do was to eliminate her.

The knife was pressing, drawing blood, painfully slow. I wanted her to scream, to cry, to let me feel her pain. So did the other, Raina. She wanted to rip the woman’s throat out, but no, we wouldn’t so that. That wouldn’t be fun for me. I didn’t want to eat her, just get rid of a witness.

I was going to do it, going to slice her throat open when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I didn’t need to turn to know who it was.

“Edward,” I said.

He pulled the knife out of my hand and wiped it on his black jeans. No blood would show. I stood and the woman stayed on the ground, cowering before me. I didn’t really care but Raina liked it.

Edward jerked his head towards a light that was fading out as the sun began to rise. “Go, get out of here. You didn’t see anything happen.” He was letting her go, a witness.

She went and I turned to Edward. He was wearing a hat low over his face to hide his hair and eyes. He wore a black shirt and I had to admit, he looked cute. Raina thought so, too, but I wasn’t planning on jumping him anytime tonight.

“Why did you let her go, Edward? She’s a witness.” My voice was as hard as my knives, which I collected from the bodies of the dead vampires and knelt to clean them.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Anita?” he asked, his voice low on the dawn breeze.

I laughed as I wiped another knife clean on my jacket. “Nothing, Edward. Nothing is wrong with me.” I looked up at him and his face was still, eyes icy blue. “What’s wrong with you, Edward? Are you slipping? Are you beginning to feel things in that stone heart of yours?”

My words were cruel, I wanted them to hurt him, for all the times he’d hurt me, times I couldn’t remember clearly but I felt in my heart that it hurt because of him. No, I wanted him to suffer, Raina wanted him to suffer. He would.

He flinched a little at my words and I laughed again as I stood, it was Raina’s laugh and it made me vaguely uncomfortable. I wiped another knife off, the long one, and slid it home along my spine. Edward had my last one, he held it in his hand even though the handle was slick with the blood of the vampires I’d killed. My hands were bloody, my face was, _I_ was.

I stalked over to him and stopped less than an inch away from him. Reaching out for my knife I said, “What’s wrong, Edward? Why the long face? Don’t you like me the way I am? The way you wanted me to be?” And I knew that this was how he’d always wanted me to be. Cold and hard and a killer just like him. Somehow better than I’d been before.

He closed his eyes and said softly, “You aren’t my Anita. You’re something else.”

Hmm, something else, am I? Yes, I was, I had Raina inside me. She made me something different just as much as I’d become something different on my own. I had nothing to hold me from what I really wanted to do, something I’d opened up and couldn’t close. But I didn’t want to. I liked it. I liked the killing. Now I knew why Edward could kill for money.

“Poor Edward.”

I stood on my tiptoes and my lips were close to his. His breath was soft and fast, like he was angry. But I knew he wasn’t, Raina told me different. “You wanted me to be just like you,” I said slowly, letting it roll out of my mouth. “And now you want me to be what I was. You should make up your mind, Edward.”

He looked at me and I couldn’t read his face.

“What is it you really want from me, Edward?” I breathed, my voice soft, aggressive, full of heat.

His eyes were cold. I knew he was going to kiss me. He lowered his mouth to my lips, and I leaned into him just a little bit. And then I turned and ran.

Raina howled inside me as I fled but I clamped down on her power as I drew more from Richard. He was surprised to feel me through the marks, and I knew it. I knew lots of things now. Not everything, but I could remember.

And the thing that scared me enough to make me run away was the knowledge that I had wanted to kiss Edward.


	8. Chapter 8

“My name is Anita Blake,” I said softly.

I’d said that many times in the last few days, but it hadn’t meant anything until now. It didn’t mean everything still, but I knew things now, remembered things I hadn’t before. I was sitting on my front porch going over all of the things I remembered.

I remembered Jean-Claude.

I remembered Richard.

Shit. I’d been coffin bait _and_ I’d slept with a furball. Great, just great.

I remembered Ronnie and Catherine and Bob… Larry, Manny, Nathaniel and the wereleopards, and Jason.

Oh, I felt bad about that. Not that I’d shot him, I’d do it again in a heartbeat if he ever disobeyed me again. But I was his lupa, his protector. I suppose I shouldn’t have shot him, but he should have listened to me when I told him to back off.

And I remembered Becca and Edward. I smiled as I thought of the little girl. I couldn’t help it. Besides, in light of my newly found love of disposing of the bad guys… I don’t think I’m going to have children. It probably wouldn’t be a good idea anyway. I doubt I’ll live to be thirty. So Becca was like my chance at being a mom. Even with Raina in my head I knew that, and I wanted to protect her.

Unfortunately I was probably the one she needed protection from. Because of Raina, not me. Me, I wanted to get Becca a little dog (Peeka and Boo had been given away) and buy her cute little dresses. Raina, on the other hand—or would that be paw?—wanted to eat her alive. Which was why I was sitting outside dressed in all black when the temperature was in the nineties and still rising.

I shouldn’t have worried. When I finally walked in, I found Edward sitting on my couch decked out in commando gear complete with several grenades.

“What’s up, Edward?” I asked trying to be nonchalant. I didn’t want to let on to anybody that I knew things about me yet. Call me crazy but I felt like playing my cards close to my chest for once.

Edward looked at me and his eyes were filled with heated rage. I nearly took a step back. I was actually frightened of Edward. Edward, who I knew would give me a gun before he’d hunt me, never take me out in cold blood. This was another new experience I could have lived without.

He didn’t answer and instead pressed the play button on a handheld recorder. Becca’s voice filled the room, the volume was so high.

“Daddy, Daddy! Where are you? Daddy, please!”

Then Olaf’s voice boomed through the device. “Give her to me if you want the child back in one piece. You have until dark.”

Then it stopped playing.

I didn’t bother asking who ‘her’ was. It was me.

“So this is it, isn’t it, Edward?”

He stood and walked over to me. There was a gun in his hand. He handed it to me, butt first, and said, “You can kill him.”

I could, but was I going to live long enough to get my chance? That was one question I couldn’t ask. I didn’t really want to know the answer. I tucked the gun in the back of my jeans and followed Edward to my jeep. He drove us to a place on the edge of town, a little house that looked like it should have someone’s grandmother sitting on the porch waving at kids while they played.

He left the car running and turned to me. “Send her out as soon as he lets her go.”

“What makes you so sure he will?”

He smiled. It was a secretive smile, like he knew something I didn’t. Which he did. “Olaf may be crazy but he’s a man of his word.”

He was right. I could remember our truce in Santa Fe. He’d kept his word then and I knew he’d keep it now. Call it instinct, but I knew it.

So I got out of the jeep and walked into the dark house. Olaf was sitting on a chair in the living room with Becca in his lap. She was crying. I barely cleared the door before she screamed, “Mommy,” and Olaf let her go. Becca ran to me and I picked her up and hugged her. The affection and love disgusted Raina but she didn’t try and come out.

I guess she wasn’t ready to play.

I kissed Becca’s forehead and brushed her damp curls off of her forehead. “Daddy’s waiting outside in the jeep, baby.” I put her down and she dashed out the door.

I knew Edward would take care of her. And I knew that if I wasn’t out of this house quickly, he’d come in after me. That was what the commando gear was for, to save my ass if I couldn’t.

Olaf stood and walked to the far wall where he flipped a switch. Lights flooded the room and I saw a woman lying on the floor. I was wrong; it wasn’t a grandma’s house. The woman was young, maybe younger than I was, and her face was in several pictures that hung on the walls. She’d been beaten and was bleeding but was still conscious.

She was gagged but for no reason. She had given up struggling a long time ago; the defeat was evident in her face.

The smell of her blood was heavy in the air. Funny how I didn’t notice it until Raina started to creep up. I tried pushing her down, but she wouldn’t have any of that. She wanted the blood, the pain. Then she stopped. I let it be and concentrated on Olaf who had taken a few steps towards me.

“Your choice, Anita.”

Okay, very articulate of Olaf. What was my choice?

“What does that mean, Olaf?” I was never one to keep quiet.

“It means, Anita,” he took another step towards me and I fought the urge to step back. It wouldn’t do to let him know I was scared. But he probably already knew that. “You kill her, or I kill you.”

He tossed a knife to me and I caught it deftly by its hilt. It was well made and balanced easily in my small hand. But my mind was reeling from his ultimatum. Okay, I could play along. I still had a few minutes to stall so that I could shoot him. I stepped around Olaf, carefully staying out of his reach, and knelt by the woman. She barely moved, just closed her eyes.

“And if I kill her?”

“Then you and I will hunt together.”

I shuddered at the thought. I opened my mouth to tell him that I’d never do it but the words that crossed my lips weren’t what I’d planned. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

Shit. Raina had crept up while I wasn’t paying attention. Now she had me and I couldn’t stop her. I fought her but she didn’t bat an eye. I tried drawing on Richard’s power, but I was cut off, either he or Raina had closed down the marks.

The blade lowered and the edge slid along her throat, caressing her bare skin.

No, no, no! I shouted into my mind. This can’t happen!

But it was too late. Blood was already pouring from the woman’s throat and her eyes quickly glazed over with death.

Raina left me abruptly and settled down into her corner of my mind and I fell back trying hard not to throw up. I won that battle but then another thought came through my mind that made me want to scream. I looked up at Olaf and willed him not to see the truth in my eyes.

I don’t think he did because all he did was smile and leave the room. I heard what was probably the back door open and close and I knew he’d left. Some residual of Raina’s power let me smell his receding scent. I shook my head and crawled to my knees.

Then Edward walked in. He’d left Becca in the jeep, that much I knew because she was nowhere to be seen and he didn’t look worried about her. He looked at the dead woman and then to me. I shook my head. I wasn’t answering any questions right now.

He knelt by her and closed her eyes. Then he looked at me. “What happened?”

I shook my head. No answers. I knew he could see the bloody knife I still held in my hand and I threw it down. There were no answers for him tonight.

And not for me either.

Because deep inside I knew the truth, I felt it. Somewhere, a little part of me, just me, had liked it.


	9. Chapter 9

No one talked as Edward drove us back to my house, not even a peep from Becca. When we got there I was out of the jeep and in my room so fast I didn’t even have time to say anything to Nathaniel. But I didn’t really feel like talking to anyone anyway so there was no guilt.

Actually, there wasn’t any guilt at all.

Which was what made me feel so sick. I didn’t feel bad about what Raina had made me do. No, what I’d done. I felt nothing over it except that little part of me that was thrilled to the core. The guilt I felt, if it can even be called guilt, was over the fact I didn’t feel bad about that woman’s death.

I was still wearing the black clothes I’d set out in the night before and the knives, though I’d wiped them off, were coated with dried blood. For a moment I just stood in my bathroom looking in the mirror. My hair was very dark against my pale skin, made even paler by the lack of sleep and the chaos in my mind. My eyes were wide, and I looked like a little china doll.

The picture would have been complete if it hadn’t been for the blood that streaked down the right side of my face.

I cried out softly and began ripping the knives from my body, throwing them out the door. My bloody clothing followed and then I stepped into the shower I’d started.

I began to scrub my skin until it was pink and raw. And it wasn’t until I’d drawn blood did, I understand what I was doing, and why. Some more memories fell into place and I could remember the morals, the ethics that I’d once held dear and in less than 48 hours had laid most of them low.

I was trying to scrub the stain from my soul. The one that told how I’d liked killing that woman, the one that said I had no remorse. Because I still didn’t. The one that made me just like Edward.

I turned the water off and stood there for a minute, then wrapped myself in a towel and went to stand in front of the mirror. The only thing different now was that I was covered in my own blood, not an innocent woman’s.

I reached for my toothbrush and proceeded to brush my teeth. No sooner had I began than the door opened, and Edward walked in. He stood behind me and I glared at him through the mirror. I couldn’t do anything else because my mouth as full of foam. He waited for me to rinse it out before he spoke.

“What happened, Anita?” His voice was soft but void of emotion.

“Nothing,” I replied as I turned to face him, wiping my mouth with another towel.

He reached out and touched my shoulder. When he drew his hand away, he held it up to show blood on his fingertips. “Nothing? Nothing wouldn’t make you scrub your damn skin off.”

He had a point.

But it was none of his business. I slung the second towel around my shoulder and let my face go blank. It got easier to do every time I did it and I’d swear Edward was surprised at the ease with which I brought it out. Well, I had one more trick up my sleeve. I’d been a pretty bad liar years ago but my life, and recent events like losing my memory and morals, had allowed me to perfect that skill.

“Olaf killed her, Edward. He killed an innocent woman because of me.” My voice was neutral, good. Maybe now would be a good time to fake a little emotion. “He did it because of me,” and I let my voice crack a little as I said it.

Edward’s face softened and I knew it had worked. Once I would have felt bad about doing this to Edward, maybe as soon as a week ago, but now I was just giddy that I’d managed to pull one over on Death.

He lifted the towel off my shoulder and handed me a washcloth. “You should clean those raw spots again.”

I just nodded and took the washcloth. “Why are you worried, Edward?” and I couldn’t keep an edge of bitterness from my tone. Lucky him, he didn’t feel bad about anything while I was sitting here fearing for my soul because I’d enjoyed killing.

“I worry about my friends, Anita.” He looked at me strangely and walked out the door, pausing just inside it. “You’re my only friend.”

He vanished around the edge and I curbed my desire to scream. Fine, let him keep his secrets. I had my own, now, and I wasn’t about to give them up. I felt Raina smile inside my head, and I threw the washcloth into the sink. I couldn’t stay here, not like this.

I dressed quickly in jeans and a shirt and grabbed nothing but the Browning as I headed for my door. As an afterthought I grabbed Sigmund from where he lay on my bed and I was gone.

I made it to the Circus in one piece, a record for me today, and was greeted at the door by Jason. He smiled at me. I didn’t smile back. The smile left his face and his blue eyes toned down their brightness a little.

“Jean-Claude said to take you downstairs when you got here.”

I was about to ask how he’d known I was coming when I remembered the marks. Of course Jean-Claude knew. He and Richard knew everything unless they’d decided not to spy on me. Call me crazy but I didn’t trust them not to.

I was settling down into Jean-Claude’s bed when he breezed in looking at me curiously. Believe me when I say I had no intentions of sharing this bed with him. As I thought it his face fell a bit and then he smiled. The marks were hard at work telling him the inner workings of my head.

“Monsieur Zeeman is taking care of the little… problem,” he said with dark humor.

Little problem? The death of an innocent woman was a little problem. And I’d fallen in love with him? Yes, but certainly not for his morals. But who was I to throw stones?

“Let me guess, Richard and the pack are chowing down.” Okay, it was low, but I knew Richard wouldn’t hear it unless Jean-Claude passed it along.

Jean-Claude stopped smiling and sat down on the bed across from me. So not happening. I quickly hopped out of the bed and put some distance between him and me. “What do you want, Jean-Claude?”

He smiled wider giving me a hint of fang. “I merely wish to reassure you that it will become easier when you know the truth.”

For a moment I was reminded of the Cheshire cat from _Alice in Wonderland_. Then I was pissed. Who was he to be cryptic with me when I was going through a crisis of moral standards? What moral standards I had left, that is, and what I remembered of them. I flipped him off and headed for the door.

“You are beautiful when you are angry, _ma petite_ ,” he called after me.

Now I know he was up to something. He knows I don’t like being called beautiful. I’m not beautiful. I’m too short and too muscular to ever be considered beautiful. Not to mention the scars. My collar bone, both arms, my lower back: covered in scars. And some of them weren’t just scars; they were lumps of scar tissue.

I turned and scowled at him. “I am not beautiful, Fang-face.”

He grinned as I called him ‘Fang-face.’ If he was taking it as a compliment, he was nuts.

“If you are not beautiful then tell me why men throw themselves at your feet. I know it is not your charming personality.”

The smug bastard sat there smiling at me. If it hadn’t been for the fact that if I killed him, I’d die too I would have shot the smirk off of his face. As it was, he knew I was more than just pissed, and it made him smile even wider.

“Go to hell, Jean-Claude.” I opened the door.

“You do not believe me?” he asked as he stood. No, it was more like being pulled up by invisible strings.

I turned back to him. “You know I don’t.”

He swept a handout towards me. “Nathaniel, Jason, Asher, Zane. Rafael, the king of the rats, also.”

I raised an eyebrow. I knew he was telling the truth and some of it was news to me.

“And one cannot forget Monsieur Zeeman and I,” he said slowly.

I didn’t answer.

“Ma petite, you are foolish.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“The truth, perhaps. But I think not.”

I stalked towards him and he danced around me to the door. Fine. But the bed was mine and mine alone. I ignored him as I climbed back into it and snuggled down with Sigmund. “Will you turn the light off when you leave?” I asked him as I closed my eyes.

“As you will, _ma petite_.”

The lights went off.

“One last thing,” he whispered into the darkness.

I rolled over and scowled at him. “What now?”

“I believe that even _Monsieur La Morte_ is enamored with you.”

The door closed and I threw a pillow at it. I so did not need another man on my plate. And then I remembered: Jean-Claude and Richard weren’t my boyfriends anymore.

Now I had problems. Because somehow, I was attracted to Edward, even if it was only a little. And even worse, so was Raina. From where she was curled up inside my head she was laughing. She was waiting until I’d give her the payment she so desperately wanted. Payment for what? I couldn’t remember. But I knew what it was. She wanted him. She wanted Edward.

So while Edward was playing daddy, I was stuck hiding from him in the Circus when what I really needed to hide from was myself.


	10. Chapter 10

Okay, let’s do a review of all the bad things in my life in the last week. Missing memories, yeah, got those. Jean-Claude and Richard fell in there after last night’s conversation. Olaf, too, even though right now I was more dangerous than he was. Edward, too. And we mustn’t forget that psychotic woman wrapped in my brain.

And on top of that I was waking up in Jean-Claude’s bed. And I wasn’t alone.

I made a mental note to scream later while I stared at the sleeping figure beside me. It could have been worse. It could have been male. As it was, I was waking up next to Becca. Which could only mean one thing: Edward was here.

Sigmund was lying on the other side of the bed by himself and Becca had sidled up next to me and replaced him in my arms. I should have been really irritated by the fact that I was cuddling with a six-year-old. After all, I was being possessed by a she-devil who would gladly kill her. Instead I was kind of happy. It was the only first I’d had in the last few weeks that wasn’t dangerous to my health and made me feel warm and fuzzy, too.

Vampires of the world beware: the Executioner melts at little girls who call her mommy.

On second thought, maybe this _was_ dangerous for my health.

I carefully extracted myself from her arms and got out of the bed. She was too cute. I grabbed Jean-Claude’s robe that he’d casually tossed across a chair and pulled it on, then padded out of the bedroom, careful not to wake her. Maternal instinct at its best.

Raina was temporarily quiet as I entered a room full of preternatural studs and the deadliest human I knew. Bully for me. She wasn’t going to try and make me jump them all. Edward, Richard, Jean-Claude, and Jason were casually standing around in the living room slash lobby of Jean-Claude’s lair trying to act nonchalant. It wasn’t working. Or it would have worked better if a hush hadn’t fallen over the room the moment I stepped into it.

“You can keep talking about me. It’s not like I’m going to pull a gun or anything,” I said. I wasn’t planning on pulling a gun. I’d left it in the room with Becca. Maybe not my best idea in a while but it was safely hidden away, and I didn’t feel like killing anyone today. Or ever again, though that actually happening was a long shot.

Jason glanced at me then looked away while Jean-Claude and Richard looked at each other uneasily. Edward just looked at me his face carefully blank. The only one that bothered me was Jason. It hurt that he was afraid of me. Good. That meant that my moral decline wasn’t complete. And I wanted to fix the rift between us.

Kind of. Part of me was laughing gleefully over his fear of me. And it felt good. Even Raina was cackling from the back of my head. I might have decided not to apologize to Jason if it hadn’t been for that, but the thought of me and her agreeing on something made me sick.

So I reached my hand out to Jason and let a curl of power out. Not mine, the packs. I was still lupa and even he couldn’t ignore my call. He came to me and I did something very important to him, though not quite comfy for me. I hugged him.

He glanced at me and I nodded. He hugged me back. He smiled and I tried to smile back. But it wasn't happening. Jason's smile faded as he looked at me, a hint of fear in his eyes and I touched his arm. It wouldn’t be good if the cannon fodder was afraid of me. He smiled again and then left, going up the stairs to the main level of the Circus.

Richard cleared his throat and said, “It’s good to see you back in your usual form.” He hesitated and didn’t say anything else.

I smiled at him. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a nice one. I liked making him uncomfortable. It made Jean-Claude uncomfortable too. I could feel it through the marks. Weird little things but handy. I liked knowing I made them wary. Even afraid. I could feel that through the marks, too.

Edward was smiling at me. Maybe he decided he liked the new me. I know I did, even if it meant busting my precious morals and ethics.

“What’s up?” I asked, still smiling coldly.

Richard and Jean-Claude looked away, but Edward stared straight at me.

“Olaf skipped town.”

Damn. That meant I was going to have to travel to hunt him.

“Why?”

Again, Edward answered. “I don’t know.”

Well wasn't he a fountain of information? I shrugged and sat down on the couch. No one came near me.

“Okay, so this puts a little snag in my plans.”

No, I wasn’t talkative. I just wanted them to ask so I could make them squirm. Edward included. I wasn’t too happy with him right now. He was the reason why I’d come here and had to play nice with the vamps and weres. Not something I really wanted to do.

Jean-Claude, who’d been silent up till now, was the one who took the bait.

“And what might your plans be, ma petite?”

The smile left my face and I knew it was perfectly blank.

“Don’t call me _ma petite_ , ever again, Fang-face.” My voice was cold and hard.

Jean-Claude nodded and before he could block it, I felt a little thread of fear in him.

“As you wish, Anita. Your plans?”

“Now I have to go find Olaf before I can play.” I let the anticipation seep into my voice giving it a little touch of excitement. I was looking forward to when I found Olaf. Oh yes, I was looking forward to it.

“Play?” Richard asked. His face was pale. Stupid question, he knew what I meant.

“Play. As in I’m going to kill him, Richard.” I smiled again. I was having entirely too much fun with the Boy Scout. “I’m going to rip his heart out with my bare hands.” Richard’s face went paler. I think he was feeling sick. “What? Too much for the good little werewolf? Nice coming from the one who eats his enemies.”

Oops. I’d gone too far. Richard turned on his heel and walked out of the room, following Jason. Maybe I’d been a little too graphic. Naw. Jean-Claude took a step back and I think he would have left the room with Richard if it hadn’t been for the fact that he didn’t want me to know he was afraid. Too late.

I looked at Edward and his face was neutral. I doubted anything I said or did would faze him visibly after what he’d seen last night. Me holding the knife that had taken an innocent woman’s life. Funny, it wasn’t so bad when I thought about it now. And I couldn’t read Edward through any marks.

“So, you came to deliver the news?” I asked him, smiling again. This time it was closer to a real smile. Knowing I struck fear into the hearts of good little werewolves, and a master vampire too, made me happy.

He shook his head. “I came to take you home.”

I shrugged. “Okay.”

The look of surprise on his face made me think twice about nothing I said fazing him visibly. I guess he thought I’d put up a fight. Nope, not me. I’d had more than my share of being good to the weres and vamps of the city for one day. I’d rather go home and take my chances with Raina trying to eat Becca, much as I liked the little ray of sunshine.

Besides, the only other thing she’d try and make me do was fuck him, and that wasn’t going to happen. If I was going to do the deed with anyone it would be of my own free will.

So I smiled at Jean-Claude and went to get my weapons.


	11. Chapter 11

I wasn’t in the mood for talk on the way home, but Becca was awake. I’d voted for leaving her at the Circus, but Edward didn’t seem too comfy with leaving his ray of sunshine with the monsters. I knew they wouldn’t hurt her. Not because I trusted them, I didn’t anymore, don’t know why I ever did. But they knew if she was hurt that Edward and I would kill them. And happily, too.

But here we were on the way home with Becca trying to convince me to play dolls with her when we got there. I was half tempted to say yes just to shut her up. I’d had a headache ever since we left the Circus and she wasn’t helping it go away. Neither was the car that was tailing us.

“Can we play dollies when we get home? Please, Mommy?” Becca leaned forward over the seat and smiled at me.

“Edward, we’re being followed.”

He glanced in the rearview mirror and then over his shoulder. He didn’t look too happy.

“Mommy!”

“Becca!” I said back. I smiled to soften my voice and it was real. “Buckle your seat belt back up, baby, we’re going for a ride.”

I’d yell at her later for having it undone, but right now there was no time. Edward made a sharp turn as soon as she buckled again and then another. The car was still there but further behind. A few more and he pulled into an alley. The car cruised past looking for us and we waited there until Edward was certain they’d gone. Then he pulled back out.

I almost asked if he knew why we’d been followed but I decided I didn’t want to know. From the look on his face, or the lack of one, he knew, and it was his problem. Peachy. I didn’t need any more problems right now, I decided as I felt Raina laugh quietly in the back of my mind.

A sharp flash of intense pain shot through my head and I groaned. Just as quickly my headache was gone. And so was the blood lust I’d felt at the Circus.

“Are you okay?” Edward had half turned to me and there was real concern in his voice. How touching.

I just glared at him and we rode the rest of the way home in silence. Even Becca.

When we got to my house I hopped out of the car and was the first inside, pausing only to unlock the door. From there it was to my room and an unhappy surprise. In the middle of my bed was a knife sticking out of the mattress pinning a fluttering piece of paper to it. I yanked the knife out and flung it away from me, embedding it in the wall above the headboard.

The piece of paper in my hand was white with one-word block-printed on it.

SOON.

Raina and the bloodlust poured out into me and I can’t say it bothered me. Olaf had entered my home. That pissed me off. Not to mention he’d cut up my favorite sheets. I’d just have to do a little cutting on him to make it up. That was something I’d have fun doing. But before I could do that, I had to yell at Edward for letting the bastard get in.

I walked out of my room with the Browning naked in my hand, the note flapping in the air. Edward looked at me in surprise as I walked into the living room. I wasn’t usually so open with the weapons in front of Becca.

I showed him the note. Then a horrible thought occurred to me. What if Edward had let Olaf in? No, he wouldn’t do that. Would he?

“How did you know Olaf skipped town?”

“A contact.”

“Then Olaf snuck past you last night, Edward. This was on my bed.”

His eyes widened slightly, and he looked at me. “I wasn’t here last night. I was at the Circus. We followed you.” He looked down at the note. “You’re getting a security system, Anita.”

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes at his suggestion. It had some merit. I’d think about it. “Why’d you follow me, Edward?”

He shrugged and I was about to press the question when the doorbell rang. I ignored it. Edward didn’t. He went to answer it and no sooner had he flung the door open was he thrown across the room. Two strangers walked in, rippling with power. They were lycanthropes and weren’t trying to hide it.

Becca ran to me crying, “Mommy,” and I scooped her up in my left arm while my right held the Browning on the two intruders.

They held their hands up and I went to kneel by Edward. He was conscious but didn’t move. He recognized the man and woman, and he knew why they were there. I had a feeling I knew, too. He must have taken a hit on one of their people. Death’s identity was becoming too well known.

“You have about five seconds to tell me what you want before I pump you full of silver.”

They must have believed me because they quickly spilled how they were after the man who’d killed one of their wolves, Lucy. The name rang a bell, and so did the strangers. But I couldn’t quite place them.

“I’m surprised you let Death live with you, Anita,” the man said with a heavy drawl.

He knew me. I didn’t know him. Shit. No, I didn’t remember him. There is a difference, regardless how minute. The woman and turned to him and then it hit me. Verne, Roxanne. Richard had been there. Richard and I had… no, didn’t want to remember that, but I remembered them.

“Hello, Verne, Roxanne. Next time you drop by, call first.” I left my voice neutral. It was better than anger. Less likely to get me killed. Roxanne had a temper if I recalled correctly.

Becca lifted her head from my shoulder as I lowered the Browning. “Are they going to hurt us, Mommy?”

“No, sweetie. They’re aren’t going to hurt anyone.”

She nodded and I set her down. She ran to Edward and he opened his arms to her, still on the floor. He was going to let me handle this. Smart move.

“She’s his?” Verne was looking at Becca, his face soft.

I nodded.

“And she calls you ‘Mommy’,” he added.

I shrugged.

“We want Death,” Roxanne said.

“You can’t have him.”

Verne smiled sadly and shook his head. I think he didn’t want to make me mad. Smart wolf. “I’m sorry, but my pack wants revenge. Unless…”

I was curious so I took the bait, much like I’d done to Richard earlier. “Unless what?”

Verne fidgeted and Roxanne spoke for him. “Unless Death is yours.”

“Okay, he’s mine.”

Verne and Roxanne looked at each other, then at me. “Do you understand what we mean when we say ‘yours’?” Verne asked.

I looked at Edward who was getting to his feet and nodded. Verne laughed.

“The only reason the pack will let him live is if he’s yours. Completely. And only because we owe you,” he said.

Then I figured it out. “Marriage? You mean I’m supposed to marry him?”

They nodded. “You already share a child,” Roxanne said as she looked at Becca, who was now standing next to me, Edward on her other side. Becca looked up at me adoringly.

“No, we don’t.” I explained quickly about the Becca situation, but Verne seemed unwilling to listen to reason.

He waved his hand at me and said, “Decide, Anita, please.”

I looked at Edward and then shook my head. Edward looked right back at me, his face empty. “It’s your choice, Anita. Want to marry me?”

He said it so nonchalantly, like I wasn't about to decide his fate. If I said yes, I’d have to marry him. If I said no, Verne and Roxanne would kill him. And Becca… Well, poor Becca would have lost her mother and father within months of each other and all she’d have left is me. And I wasn’t expecting to make it to thirty. There wasn’t much of a choice.

“Okay,” I said, still looking at Edward. His face never changed. Becca, on the other hand, squealed happily.

Verne nodded. “Then it is right between us.”

I fought the urge not to shoot him. I was engaged, again. And not happy about it. Raina was howling gleefully, and I wanted to scream. I didn’t. I nodded back to him.

I was engaged to Death. God help me.


	12. Chapter 12

I tried to get out of it, but Verne and Roxanne insisted on attending the wedding. So I was stuck.

The only happy parties to the marriage were Becca, Ronnie, and Catherine. It could have been worse, Edward could have been happy too. But I don’t think he was.

The wedding reopened my friendship with Ronnie, and we became best friends again. That was good, I remembered what it was like to have her as a best friend and she was more than willing to pick up where I’d forgotten. But I didn’t tell her all the details of the wedding. Or my new self. Somehow, I didn’t think she’d be happy to know I was closer to being a sociopath than ever before. Go figure.

The wedding went off without a hitch; wish I could say the same about the honeymoon. Raina showed up on the conjugal night and started something. I finished it, several times, but it was not repeated and never will be. I refuse to lose control to her again.

So my life could be worse. I could have the entire lycanthrope and vampire communities of St. Louis hunting me. As it was, I still had Olaf to worry about. But not for long.

See, I got another note from him. He said we’d hunt before the year was over.

I decided we wouldn’t. Edward agreed. When Olaf comes back to town, Edward and I are going to find him. And then I’ll take him out.

Oh, Edward gave me a new toy for his wedding gift to me. I’m now the proud owner of a flame thrower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also have some recovered/saved Anita Blake fics (including plenty of A/E, but not only that) stuck on a google drive, [please click here](https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1KQMp7b06-cmAndB_tUv2YS4cPQlsNaMk?usp=sharing) to go check it out and read some more excellent fic.


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